1. Lost On a Boat
“….Yeah, and then she got pregnant from it.”
“Pregnant from what?”
“The gunshot wound!”
“What shotgun wound?”
“From the…have you heard a word I’ve said in the last half hour?”
Teri had not really heard one fucking word this joker at the bar had said to her in the last half hour. She was a very strange combination of wasted and bored. Wasted because she had been letting this random dude buy her drinks, and bored because he was going on and on with his stories about this and that, only listening to himself, and the fact that it took him a half an hour to figure out that his partner in conversation was looking for anything else to do at that moment should tell you everything you need to know about him.
“Of course I’ve heard you sweetie. You’re Doc from Hobokem…”
“I’m Dave from Sheboygan. You know…Dave!”
“I know Don I’m just messing with ya…Wanna buy a girl a drink?”
“I’ve already bought you three, but what the hell. You seem like a fun gal.”
“Cool.” Teri raised her hand and turned to the bar. “Waite—Stewarde—Where the hell am I?”
“You’re sitting at the bar with me.”
“Oh, right. Bartender!” She never slurred when it came time to order the drinks, that’s for damn sure.
“Is this guy bothering you, Miss?” asked the bartender.
“Who Dan here? Oh hell no, my new friend Darell here is buying me a drink.”
“What’ll it be?” The bartender looked sideways at What’s-His-Name. Guys like this schmuck come and go all the time. Always trying to find a girl he can get drunk enough to get the heavy on, maybe slip her a roofie or some fucked up shit like that.
The bartender took great pleasure in beating five flavors of horseshit out of creeps like Dexter here. He was definitely surveying the situation to make sure Teri would be OK if this guy tried anything.
“What’s the thing with all the stuff in it? You know what I mean?”
“Well, you’ve been on the Long Islands all night, would you like another?”
“That’s the one! Long Island! Wow, you’re smart, how did you get so smart? And kinda cute too.”
“Yeah, the guy buying your drinks is kind of cute too, isn’t he?” interrupted Dilbert.
Teri turned her attention back to Duncan and put her hand to his cheek.
“Awww, you’re sweet, Digby. I like you.”
“What about the story, was that weird or what?”
“Ummm, I vote for what. What was the story again?”
“OK, it was the Civil War times, and what happened was, all these soldiers were shooting up this town see, and there was civilians running all over the place, it was just total mayhem, right? So this Yank takes aim at this Reb and fires on him, shoots him right in the dick. What happened was the bullet went right through his sperm sack and then blew out the guy’s backside where it then lodged itself into the abdomen of a woman behind him, who then subsequently got impregnated by the sperm that was picked up by the bullet. Now how cool is that?” Teri was just staring at him, mouth agape in drunken bewilderment. Either this guy was a total moron or her brain was broken. She decided not to decide which at this particular moment. “That sounds just like what happened to Kennennedy!” She broke out in uproarious laughter at the absurdity of the conversation and her inability to pronounce words. “Kennennedy. Kennenndy. What the fuck is wrong with me why can’t I say Kendyendy? Fuck! I can’t pronounciate distinctively anymore. Woo! These drinks go right to my head.”
“Oh yeah?” said Dilbert. “Do they go anywhere else?” He moved in a little closer and started to get all sweet-talky. It was typical douchebag behavior. When she’s stumbling about and slurring her speech she’s just about ripe for the picking. Time to make your move, Bro.
“Hm. My stomach?”
“I mean, anywhere else?”
“Well, my liver’s gonna have a serious talking to talk to me about in the morning, and then my head will probably join in a chorus of ‘what the fuck did you do’ and I get this weird twang in my neck when I – twang? Twong? I dunno…” she kind of trailed off.
Dillon put his hand on her knee and started rubbing Teri’s inner thigh, moving a little farther up each time until he had his entire hand up her skirt. “I mean, does it make you horny?”
Teri closed her eyes and looked a little woozy as the creep crept up closer and was whispering sour nothings into her ear. “It makes me kinda woozy.” She said with her head rocking back and forth.
“Come on Baby, we can go back to my place. I got some champagne and soft music and a big dick just waiting to fuck you into tomorrow.” “No, I’m not sure I should….” She trailed off again and looked unsure of anything.
“Yeah, come on Baby, it’ll be great. I bet your pussy tastes like peaches and cream. You know you want it, right?”
You can read the rest of this story from any of the major book sellers, or also at http://www.vincestead.com or http://www.fun2readbooks.com You can also listen to it in Audio.
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