Chapter 1
My Confession
I was a teenager the first time I discovered masturbation. It was by accident, of course. I was in bed one night and I had this teddy bear with a big nose on it. Somehow my teddy bear was lying by my crotch area and I had rolled over right on its nose so that it was rubbing my clit through my white cotton panties.
I woke up and continued to rub against the nose because it felt good. I eventually gave myself an orgasm and I loved the way it felt! I found myself doing this every day for several weeks, at least three or four times a day. When I would wake, when I would get home from school, in the bathtub and when I would be in bed getting ready to go to sleep.
In the bathtub, I had a shower nozzle on a hose and I could put it on pulsate and place it right on my clit and give myself an orgasm. Bath time soon became my favorite part of the day for me.
One day, I saw my dad using his muscle massager. He worked outside a lot and his muscles would become stiff. It was one of those Magic Wand muscle massagers. So, I had a thought about it. On another day, when my parents were at work and my brother was at soccer practice and I had a couple of hours to myself before anyone would come home.
I went into my dad’s drawer and pulled out the massager and went back into my room on my bed. I stripped down naked and turned the massager on low and began to rub my clit with it. Oh my god! Within minutes I was shaking and trembling and having the most intense orgasm I had ever had and dreamed of. It was so intense that I gave myself several more. When I was done, I cleaned the head of the massager and put it back into my dad’s drawer that I gotten it out of.
Whenever I knew I was going to be alone for several hours, I would use the massager on my clit and bring myself to multiple orgasms. Several months later, my mom had bought some hot dogs and I thought what it would feel like to put a hot dog inside my pussy and use the massager at the same time. So, everyone was gone one day and I used the massager on my clit and the hot dog inside my pussy and it had felt so amazing! I loved the way masturbating made me feel, but I was afraid to tell anyone about it for fear what they would think of me. I was, after all, brought up in a strict Catholic household and I went to Catholic school.
Once I had discovered masturbation, sex was always on my mind. I would read Judy Blume books, especially “Are You There God, It’s me Margaret”, which was a story about a girl my age and like myself, had discovered masturbation. So, I didn’t think I was a freak anymore and that other’s shared the same thing as I did. But, the question was, “Who?”
When I was a senior in high school and had to read long books, I would read a chapter, then masturbate, read a chapter, then masturbate. I was using it like a reward system and it worked marvelously! Orgasms were soon becoming something that I craved and needed on a daily basis. There were many times at school, in the middle of class, where I was feeling stress and I excused myself to go to the restroom. I would go into a stall and play with my clit with my finger and rub myself to an orgasm. Then I would go back to class feeling relieved.
Orgasms were a pleasure, a reward and a stress relief mechanism. Any excuse, reason or situation I could think of, were good enough for me to masturbate. My hormones had become a freight train speeding ahead and I had to try and keep up with them.
Of course the thrill of masturbation was soon becoming dull and not as exciting as before. I wanted something more. Craved something more. I wasn’t quit sure what it was, but I knew I needed something more than just masturbation by itself.
One night, while my parents were out and my brother had gone to my cousins, I found my dad’s porn tapes and started watching them. I found what I had been missing! I was mesmerized at what I was watching and I couldn’t get myself away from the videos. I ran to my dad’s room, got out the massager, went to the closet and grabbed the extension cord. I was so aroused that I couldn’t control myself!
As I began to rub my clit with the massager, I was so consumed with pleasure that it had taken control over me. I masturbated for hours while watching one porn video after another. That night and the next day and for weeks to come, all I could think about was the men and women I saw fucking each other on those video tapes. I found that I couldn’t focus on my schoolwork and even in church on Sundays I was thinking about sex!
So, I eventually lost my virginity when I was eighteen years old, like a lot of girls did in my high school back in the 1990’s. The first actual person I ever had sex with was my boyfriend in high school. He was a football player and we had been together for three months. His mother was away for the night at her boyfriend’s house and I had told my parents I was staying over my best friend’s house. The set-up was perfect.
After I had sex for the first time, I believe I was addicted. if that is even possible for a eightteen year old girl to become a sex addict. My relationship lasted for a year and then we broke up. Well, I broke up with him. I wanted sex more than he did, which is hard to believe from an eighteen year old male. It’s what they live for and when an eighteen year old girl has a sexual libido higher than that of a teenage boy, then there must be something wrong, right?
After I had broken up with my boyfriend, I started to fuck anyone who wanted to fuck me. Any man would do, I wasn’t discerning. Before I had graduated high school, I had numerous one night stands and fuck buddies. On prom night I had fucked two guys; my date and his friend. We had double dated and his friend’s date wouldn’t put out. The limo dropped her off at her house and then my boyfriend off at his house at the end of the night and his friend and I were left alone together. I ended up at his friend’s house and stayed the night fucking him all night long.
When I had graduated from high school, I had fucked at least twenty men that I could remember. Yes, remember. Sometimes, I didn’t even get their names because I knew I was never going to see them again.
I remember a week after graduation, a friend of mine and I were driving in her convertible and we saw two guys sitting on the corner. I thought one of them was cute, so I told my friend to stop. She did, I threw my phone number to him on a piece of paper. I saw him pick it up as we drove away.
You can read the rest of this story from any of the major book sellers, or also at http://www.vincestead.com or http://www.fun2readbooks.com You can also listen to it in Audio.
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